What is an intimacy coach, anyway?

What if you had a go-to person to explore sexuality, intimacy, and identity without shame and with loads of sex-positive curiosity?

An intimacy coach might be just the thing!

I had been a sexuality educator for 8 years before I first heard of intimacy coaching. If this term is new to you, don’t sweat it! Even those of us in “the biz” are still learning about this incredible resource. Where does coaching fit in to the world of sexual support? Let’s set the scene:

Imagine you are leaving your therapist’s office. You’ve discussed boundaries, communication, and even romance— parts of life that you ordinarily wouldn’t discuss with anyone. You’ve learned so many new things! But how do you implement them? Where do you begin?

Enter: an intimacy coach.

An intimacy coach is a trained sexuality professional who supports individuals and partners in reaching their goals related to intimacy, sex, and sexuality safely, sustainably, and joyfully. We go deep into the details, not just of facts and goals, but into how you, as a unique individual, can work toward them from where you are right now.

Let’s be clear, this work doesn’t come from a place of lack. Your coach should never leave you feeling filled with shame or “should”s about your sexuality and relationships. Instead, we see your strengths, skills, and gifts and leverage them to create a life that is deliciously, pleasurably thriving.

So, you tell me what to do to have the sex life of my dreams?

Your intimacy coach doesn’t tell you what to do. Rather, they ask the questions that help you dig deeper, get more specific, and discover possibilities you didn’t even know were there. Add in some medically-accurate sex-positive information sharing, a sprinkle of worksheets and activities to try, and you’re on your way! You go back into your life and experiment. Then at the next session, we notice your growth, what to adjust, and what needs more support! Rinse and repeat.

Is it sex therapy?

Intimacy coaching is not therapy. While some therapists might also offer coaching services, coaches are not mental health professionals. That said, coaching and therapy can be an awesome combination! If life were a college course, therapy would be the lecture: the place where most of the healing, processing, and reflecting on past experiences happens. Coaching is the lab portion of the course. Here, we experiment with new approaches, debrief, adjust, and get into the weeds of how you get to your goals in tangible, actionable ways.

What do sessions look like?

Sessions are one hour and take place virtually or in person (in Durham, NC with The Dress Rehearsal!). Through guided discussion, prompts, and even spicy homework, the coach supports clients in noticing what works for them and what doesn’t feel authentically pleasurable. There is no failing in coaching! Even when you discover “oh no, that did not go as planned,” it is all data to support getting clear on what does feel like a sensual “hell yes.”

Is intimacy coaching a hands on service? (do you touch clients?)

It is not. While your intimacy coach might assign some take-home activities to try in your solo or partnered sexual experiences, intimacy coaching is a talk-only medium. If you are looking for hands-on support, consider looking into cuddle therapy or surrogate partner therapy.

How do I know my intimacy coach is qualified?

While lived experience is an incredible asset in this field, everyone’s sexuality and intimate life is different. Therefore, it is important to ask your coach about their fields of study. Do they have a coaching certification from a reputable training organization? Where did they receive their education regarding human sexuality?

While certification is not the only way to have expertise, you deserve to know that your coach is seeking continued education, has a professional network of support + resources, and takes your growth seriously.

I think a sex and intimacy coach could be just what I need!

Let’s book a free introductory call to see if we’re a good fit!